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This is a collection of written pieces that comes from things I’ve thought and experienced; occasionally they are illustrated with photos that I’ve taken. They are here because I want people to enjoy them. This is a sort of print performance and as with other kinds of performance it is a meaningless exercise without an audience. So be my audience ...

Saturday 27 August 2011

ODD OUNDLE (3)



UNDER THREAT!

There is some discussion going on within our local council about how to make cuts in expenditure and one target is public toilets. East Northants DC apparently maintains 7 public toilets in its area and spends some £165,000 a year in keeping them functioning: the one in Oundle is in the main car-park and is close to the very excellent supermarket run by the Co-op. This loo is incredibly well maintained and is as sweet and lovely as a loo can be (I speak only of the male half but I’ll bet the female half is even sweeter and lovelier). It has one of those ‘gives you a squirt of handwash when you put your hands in the ’ole, gives you warm water splashing onto those anointed hands and then blows ’ot air onto them’ jobbies so all you have to do is to finish off with your pocket handkerchief and you are ready to shake hands with anyone. And it is free, or rather, no charge is made to users.

In the spirit of the day the council has started a consultation process to see what we ‘users’ think of the idea of axeing our public toilets. You go on line and you are told that there are these seven public toilets and asked to click to show which toilets you have used and how often you use them. For each one you have to click to show whether your use has been Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Less Often or Never . It is difficult to answer these questions. Well, I haven’t really been counting. You don’t, do you?

Then they come on with the crafty questions. ‘Have you used toilets in the following places? CafĂ©/Restaurant? Supermarket? Pub? Shop? Council Offices? Library? Other? and you are once again asked to indicate frequency of use. They have another agenda here and it is just about to be revealed.

They go on to explain a cunning plan. They have in mind introducing a ‘Community Toilet Scheme’ to replace our public toilet. Do you want to go? Then just pop into a shop or business. Imagine it. Look into your local solicitor’s premises. ‘May I use your loo, please?’ ‘You’ll have to sign a Health and Safety indemnity form first, Madam’ and anyway it’s occupied; Mr Jenkins is in there just now and he takes forever’. Or your greengrocer? Or your butcher? Imagine the shy old person, near to bursting (as it is sometimes put), going into the bookshop and ‘not liking to ask’ and suffering extremes of embarrassment waiting as the shop assistant serves a customer. Well, it’s personal isn’t it?

The council’s website does have the decency to ask you if you approve or disapprove of their scheme but whether they take note of what you say in the face of a need to cut expenditure that is as acute as the need one sometimes has to pee (well, almost) one cannot tell.

The fact is that we already have a ‘Community Toilet Scheme’ – it’s called the Public Toilet and it is in the main car park close to the Co-op supermarket. Doing the sums it appears to cost a mere £64.58 a day to maintain it in its present excellent state. Isn’t that amazing value? The alternative idea is just plain naff. Toilets in local businesses are for the staff of those businesses; they don’t want people coming in and forgetting to flush and asking for more toilet paper and … stuff like that. And they just wouldn’t co-operate anyway. The idea is dead before it starts.

When will local government stop thinking that all they have to do when they launch a stupid initiative like this is to slap the word ‘Community’ on the title and that will make it all right. It’s like Community Art which is so often just another term for rubbish.

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